I have an intense problem with control. I am calculated and deliberate by nature, leaving as little room as possible for chance to have its way. If my life were a meme, it would be this one, as I am constantly contemplating my next steps. For the first 19 years of my life, this has served me well. I have been able to micromanage the everyday and manipulate everything else. But, what I was not prepared for was the total curveball life threw me the minute I turned 20 years old. I have been 20 for three months and, in that small span of time, my sense of control has been shattered. I realize adulthood is a completely different animal. I'm doing and saying things I wouldn't normally do or say. I'm thinking more radically, taking more risks, and trying to push my mind to imagine the unimaginable. And let me just tell you, it's scary.
But two things have helped me during this time of transition.
(1) The word of God. I'm finding solace in the consistency and love of God amid the chaos and unpredictability of my life. Isaiah 41:10 -- don't be afraid, for I am with you. don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you...-- has been a great encouragement that though I don't know everything, he can help me through anything.
(2) Taking everything one day at a time. My mom always tells me you can never swallow a whole elephant at once, you have to cut it up into bite size pieces. This is the mantra I have adopted. It has helped me to process things bit by bit and focus on the things that are immediately in view.
Though adulthood is scary and letting go of control makes me feel like I'm losing my mind, I am learning to become comfortable with that. It's not easy and sometimes it's not fun but I think I'm ready to approach life differently. I'm ready to let the cards fall where they may and simply roll with the punches.